The Moving Train: Nigerian Politicians Are Like Sperm. By Sylvanus Omoniyi

Sylvanus Omoniyi

I want to officially and sincerely apologize to all Nigerians that I’m one of those who put the country in the mess we are in at the moment. I’m one of those who are responsible for the miseries that Muhammadu Buhari has brought upon you. I campaigned and encouraged people to vote for him, thinking he would serve us well. Now, I know better.

I regret that Buhari is our president. I regret that I misled people. I thought Buhari would be a better option since Hoodlum Ebele Jonathan has failed us. Now, I have realized that politicians are like sperm, one in a million turns out to be an actual human being. I’m saying this because my brother, Femi Ogunjobi said I owe Nigerians an apology for the woes I brought upon them by encouraging them to vote in Muhammadu Buhari.

Now that that has been done, I want to talk about popular Lagos socialite, Mike Eze-Nwalie Nwogu, popularly known as PrettyMike. The story has been trending on the blogosphere, of this man, putting chains on the necks of two beautiful girls, and leading them to a wedding ceremony like dogs. What do you think? You are probably thinking that what he did is bad? I don’t think so.

I have read a lot of articles on Facebook, of people criticizing him, saying that he is insane. But who is really insane? Mike? The girls? Or the people criticizing him? I’m very sure that PrettyMike is paying these girls. If not, they wouldn’t allow themselves to be treated like dogs. And, these girls are probably your sisters, girlfriends, or your daughters.

Last year, when I wrote that with your money, you can buy any girl of your choice, all heavens broke loose. Women were criticizing and cursing me. Now, tell me, are women not objects of sex and slaves of money according to what we are seeing now? These girls willingly subjected themselves to dog chains because of money. They allowed themselves to be dragged like ‘bingo’ by another human being. Can you see what money can do to people?

Let’s leave that aside. This is a new year. I have seen a lot of people making new year resolutions. Some made them on 31st of December. Some are still making them. For me, I didn’t make any new year resolution. I don’t have the time to be wasting precious time making useless resolutions that I may later dump in the waste basket. However, for those who have made their own resolutions, please, there are things to include. I am talking about them in the next paragraph.

Remember not to be dirty this year. Remember to update your wardrobe, if you have the financial capability. I didn’t say you should throw away the old ones o. You can be alternating them. Also, for those who like going about with ‘Igbo Irumole’, please cut them away this year. What I’m saying is, shave your private part area this year. Don’t be going about with last year bush. Mow them. Let the place be clean like Mecca highways. And fresh air will be able to enter. God bless you as you act on these things. I’m leaving.

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