The Moving Train: The Land of Darkness and others Stories: By Sylvanus Omoniyi

Sylvanus Omoniyi
Sylvanus Omoniyi

They say Linda Ikeji is the queen of blogging in Nigeria. I don’t believe it. There are better bloggers in Nigeria than Linda Ikeji. The only thing is that these bloggers have chosen to remain at the feet of Linda Ikeji, while she continues to rule over them. Although Linda studied English Language at the University of Lagos, she still speaks and writes bad English till tomorrow. Not only that, Linda is someone that is proud. She is not accessible to people. She lives in her own shell. She doesn’t relate well.

Contrary to what Nigerians think, she is not always the source of most of her news and stories. She sleeps on the internet, plucking news from various sites, and pouring it into her own blog. For these reasons and many others, I don’t respect her. I don’t respect people who steal from others and still see themselves as superstars. Apart from Linda Ikeji, there are other better bloggers Nigerians can read. People like, Agbolade Omowole, Blossom Ozurumba, Japheth J. Omojuwa, Judith Audu, Tolu Ogunlesi, Kemi Omololu-Olunloyo, Uche Eze, Kola Tubosun and others. Some of them are ten times better than your Linda!

Meanwhile, Nigerians have been disturbing me so much concerning my love for Olufunke Phillips. Initially, they thought I was only joking. They found it difficult to understand why a young man will come on social media and start crying like a baby because of a lady. They started taking me seriously because of my incessant public love notes for Olufunke. I’m yet to meet with Olufunke but I have fallen in love with her a million times. For now, she is the only one that has my heart.

Olufunke is more important to me than any Nigerian celebrity. Than those Nollywood ‘somethings’ that you see on your TVs. Most of these Nollywood girls cannot even think and write a sentence on their own. They are dull brains. They depend on their Movie Directors for everything. It is funny how Nigerians think someone must be smart or intelligent because they appear on TV. Not everyone you see on TV is intelligent. Most of them are ignorant idiots who are opportuned to get there. Nigerian politicians are a perfect example. They will come on TV to open their mouths like dogs and speak grammar. But when you meet them in real life, you will find out that they know nothing.

So, one of the things that attracted me to Olufunke is her intelligence. I cannot marry someone who does not know how to think for herself. I like to think that Olufunke Phillips is more intelligent than I. And to me, that would make my life easier. I don’t need a doll for a wife. You see, Olufunke has everything I want in a lady. She is beautiful, intelligent, sociable, educated, neat, diplomatic and even romantic. Olufunke can do no wrong in my eyes. That’s why I call her my goddess. I can die for her. I’m sure Olufunke and I will make a good couple if she accepts my proposal. We can do great things together.

Let’s talk on electricity in Nigeria. I will call Nigeria the City of Darkness because we eat in darkness, drink in darkness, walk in darkness, play in darkness and even fuck in darkness. We do almost everything in darkness in Nigeria. That is why God has refused to stay in Nigeria because darkness is for evil spirits. So, if you are still in Nigeria, just know that you are an evil spirit. What do you do in a country without light? Nothing. The other day, I met a woman in Ekiti State who was rejoicing because they had stable light just for five hours. She was thanking PHCN for what she thought was kindness. I told her to stop it because these children of darkness are not doing them any favour by giving them light. You paid for their services. And it is your right to enjoy what you pay for. Everything in Nigeria is the opposite of what it should be. We are blessed with bad leaders and bad followers. However, Muhammadu Buhari and Fashola have refused to make our lives better. They have promised to torture us by putting us in eternal darkness. May God deliver us from these evil spirits ruling Nigeria!

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Victor Imhangbe

Hey, there! I am Victor Imhangbe and I am the brain behind this great lifestyle blog where you get to read everything from life to education to fashion and pretty much about everything else. I invite you to keep keeping tab on our latest news and updates!

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